He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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