so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
