i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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