he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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