My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
