pop tarts are not kleenex
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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