she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
