You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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