Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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