I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
if only i could text you this smell
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
