I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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