if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
