I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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