well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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