By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
