found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
