so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Found the puke drawer
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
