I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I love having hate sex.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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