my mouth tastes like poor choices
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
