my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
