new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
