If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
