Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
