A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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