Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
