All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
