FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
