My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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