I look better un-naked...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
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