He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
