living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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