Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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