I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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