I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
