you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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