I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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