your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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