Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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