sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
