is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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