Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
