He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
this just has baby written all over it
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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