I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You left your underwear on the fireplace
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
