i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
