Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
