I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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