plz talk dirty to me
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
