we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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