I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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