that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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