There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
