Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
