I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
