I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
