Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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