Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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