i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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