This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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