Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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