Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
