hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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