Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
