Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
