I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
