Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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