Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
