took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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