My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
