every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
