WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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