You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
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It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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