his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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