Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
