I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
