If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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