does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
